I’ve Had My Moments…

Posted: June 18, 2011 in Rambles

Before our eyes met, I could only see the neatly placed hairs atop of the head. With only the profile visible, my heart slowed searching for the padding that it would eventually come to rest in after receiving an oversight. I knew the painful blow would not be intentional but, nevertheless, I braced myself for the temporary hurt that would invade my soul, my white blood cells helpless to defend against the painful intrusion. I mentally coached myself:

…too young to understand. You know they love you. They weren’t the ones who placed the pain there…

I waited. I braced myself. My bottom lip wedged itself between my teeth.

The old Cheers theme song states, “Sometimes you wanna go where everybody knows your name, and they’re ALWAYS glad you came.”

I didn’t know if they even knew my real name, and with it being my first journey into their new territory, I had no idea where their mood would be placed. Cemented to the ground, I waited.

Our eyes met.

Before I could offer my salutations his fifteen inch legs cascaded into a full sprint, his arms joining along fighting against the distance between us. His face lit up as if he were the sun and I the anticipatory flower waiting to bloom. And as he repeatedly called my name, a name that he and his brother adapted for me, I blossomed.

I stood motionless; arms outstretched waiting to embrace my nephew as a flood of doubt washed from my mind. And when finally we were within a reasonable distance, he embraced my neck as if letting go me would cause me to fall apart, he being my saving glue, and I locked my arms around him, careful not to squeeze the life out of the human being that was giving life to me.

As if someone had taken a Clorox Wipe to my soul, he washed away the guilty stains of my worries. In that moment nothing else mattered. A sensation of the hand of God extending from Heaven absolving me of everything filthy… absolving me of everything parasitic… absolving me of everything not …Me.

As the visit progressed and my nephew kicked me, hit me in the face, spit on me with close proximity conversations and spilled stuff on me, the sensation was always there. No matter what the circumstance I chose to live in that moment.

So, why not live in those moments daily?

A kind word, an unexpected smile, a genuine hello, a soul touching hug or a valuable lesson.

It seems weird, to me, that kindness is the minority of life. Gossip spreads like a wildfire. Grudges are contagious and everyone seems to want to dig up dirt on another in hopes to rise a little higher by their own standards. By the end of their quest they are buried in a muddy pit of resentment of their own creation.

Meanwhile, genuine kindness dissipates like mist in the wind, often times never seen or felt and, on occasion, all together shunned.

But even so, you can still find those moments that bring you a smile, that send chills down your back and that leave you awake at night because you simply can’t imagine not being able to live in those memories for a lifetime. When sleep is behind you, you awake searching for the feelings you embraced as you swim through those moments.

Believe me, I have been there…

So, call me a Utopian thinker, a crazy dreamer or just plain nuts, but I choose to live in those moments. And though I will make mistakes along the way, unintentional I pray, I will still search for those moments, trying my best not to allow my life to be plagued by that which I did not create, cannot change or what others have decided to label.

I plan to take flight and intertwine myself within the mist and if I cannot see or feel the mist anymore, I will remind myself of those moments. I will jump through the looking glass and gather a new perspective. I will dance to the joys of laughter and sleep on the memories of love.

It’s constantly quoted, “You never know what you have until it’s gone.”



But, even more, to me:

“You never know what you are missing until someone, or something, comes along and gives it to you.”

And because of that, I now remember that I’ve had my moments and it took a three-year-old to remind me of that.

I’ve had my moments…

*All Photography on this page done by Joseph Swift II



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