Movie Review: Valentine’s Day…

Posted: June 20, 2010 in Movie Reviews

If I have said it once, I have said it more than once… “Instead of doing (fill in the blank), I would rather have a pap smear.” Valentine’s Day was no exception.

Valentine's Day...

Staring everyone and their little sister’s, baby daddy’s, cousin’s, uncle’s, nephew’s friend, Valentine’s Day follows a bunch of random celebrities, who are somehow intertwined within that whole six-degrees of separation deal.

Watching Jennifer Garner traipse through mistakes that all of us see in a friend but just can’t tell them, is gut wrenching. However, watching Patrick Dempsey get caught was pure genius. It’s the kind of revenge you only hope to come by – cutting up clothes is soo 20th century. He needs to be nut-checked.

Ashton Kutcher is the type of friend everyone one wants to have and every girl pretends she is looking for – we all know who they end up with. Don’t I know the story all too well.

George Lopez is the typical funny guy, Queen Latifah the stereotypical high-class tack sitter, Julia Roberts is an endearing soldier and the two machoest men in movies today just happen to be gay. Blah, blah blah, boring details. However, it’s the young and the old that get me.

When love is betrayed, I can’t help but only HOPE I can be as forgiving as Hector Elizondo to Shirley MacLaine. When Topher Grace discovers Anne Hathaway’s secret, I can only DREAM that someone can eventually overlook my idiosyncrasies like he did. When Carter Jenkins and Emma Roberts face a desperate point in their relationship, I can only WONDER if the person I end up with will wait for an eternity for all I have to offer before marriage. And when the annoying as all get out character that Taylor Swift plays – heck yeah, I got to say my own last name – collapses to the floor after receiving a goodbye kiss from Taylor Lautner, I can only WISH that a girl will feel the same for me, my image and touch lingering on hours afterwards.

And when the day is done, I can only IMAGINE what it will feel like to get that final text of confirmation.

So I wonder what will come first for me, Love or a Pap Smear.

With my legs crossed tight and my ratings giving this movie ONE THUMB UP MY (Touching) Your Nose, I hope I receive the former, without the screaming pain of what the latter (a pap smear) and a broken heart can leave.

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